What We Value Is Who We Are & what we ignore can quietly run our lives.

Most suffering starts with pretending.

Pretending we value something because someone else does. Pretending we’re okay with a life that doesn’t fit. Pretending that the parts of us we hide aren’t still calling the shots. Psychologists even have a name for this: self-silencing. When we bend ourselves to fit someone else’s expectations, it works for a while… then the cost comes due. Research shows this pattern leads to resentment, depression, and feeling invisible in your own life. It’s not weakness. It’s just the human nervous system rebelling against living out of alignment.

Value

But our values don’t lie. They show up—whether we’re ready to look or not.

Look around your life. What’s always nearby? What do you have orginized well? What do you make time for? What always has your attention? What gives you energy, even when you’re tired?

For me, it’s coaching. It’s building CrossFit Fiend. It’s mindfulness. That’s my trinity. Always learning, always serving, always noticing.

When I look at my life, I find my Values.

What I keep close, what I stay organized with, what I protect—I see it. My MacBook’s never far. My phone has podcasts and books cued up. My finances are in order. And my days are shaped around the gym and my people. That’s not just discipline. That’s values in action.

So, if you’re wondering what your values are… stop wondering. Just look. The truth is right there. And it’s been trying to get your attention.

But here’s where the pain starts:

When we try to change our values for someone else.Or when we try to impose our values on someone else.

That’s when we suffer.

Ever been in a relationship where you bent yourself into someone else’s mold? Maybe you cuddled when you didn’t want to. Maybe you FaceTimed when you hated it. Maybe you kept up the act because you wanted their love more than you wanted to be true.

It works—until it doesn’t. We cant ignore our shadows long.

Because eventually, you’ll crave alignment. And when you finally want to be loved for who you are… the honeymoon ends. You start pulling back. They start noticing. Resentment creeps in. And it’s not always their fault. You just changed the deal without telling them.

And we all do it—out of fear, or love, or hope. But the cost is suffering. Because every time we fake it, we chip away at our center.

Here’s the deeper pattern:

• When we look up at someone and think they’re better, we copy them. We abandon our values.

• When we look down on someone and think we’re better, we judge them. We try to force our values.

And both views are blind.

Because whatever you see in others… is already in you.

You admire someone’s hustle? You’ve got hustle. You just haven’t activated it yet.You resent someone’s chaos? Maybe it’s mirroring a part of you you’re trying to deny.

Any time you catch yourself saying “I need to,” you’ve likely put someone on a pedestal.Any time you say “they should,” you’ve likely put yourself on one.

And neither is real.

What’s real is this:

We all have light and shadow. Values and wounds. Clarity and confusion.When we own all of it, we become whole. When we deny it, we suffer.

So how do we stop suffering?

We start watching the dance.

Noticing what we cling to.Noticing what we avoid.Noticing who we’re trying to impress, and who we’re trying to control.

And asking: What do I actually value? What do I truly believe?

That’s when life starts lining up. That’s when peace begins—not because it’s easy, but because it’s true.

Acceptance-based therapies have shown that when we bring awareness to our patterns without judgment, suffering loosens. Not because life gets easier, but because we stop fighting ourselves. Mindfulness research backs this too: awareness calms the stress systems of the brain, lowers anxiety, and improves emotional resilience. The moment we see the pattern, we’re no longer trapped in it.

This week, don’t change anything.Just observe.

What do you organize without being told?What gives you energy when everything else drains you?What do you protect in your calendar or wallet or daily routine?

What We Value Is Who We Are & what we ignore can quietly run our lives.

There’s a thread in your life already.Follow it.

Because awareness doesn’t just stop suffering.It brings you back to yourself.